So I am NOT in a good mood….Dan got called to go to a mandatory week long training session in Pennsylvania. He had 2 choices. He had to either go THIS week, or he could go the week of January 9th. My c-section is scheduled for the 14th, so obviously THAT wasn’t going to work. He would be getting home after his son was born if he went that week. So I am sitting here alone. Very, very pregnant, could pop at any time, having contractions off and on and in pain, and ALONE. He was really mad that they were sending him right now. While I am not scheduled to have Xander till the 14th, the fact that I had a c-section and got pregnant again right away puts us at a greater risk of an early delivery. So really, while chances are things will be fine, he could decide to make his entrance at any time, and this is NOT the time for me to be left alone. But Dan has to be employed, so we really had no choice in the matter.
He did help a lot to get things situated for me before he left last night. He helped do some dishes and laundry for me, he loaded the stroller into my trunk, he really did as much as he could to make things as easy as possible for me throughout the week. I mean, I am not supposed to be doing anything even remotely strenuous right now. The doc said I am not even supposed to be carrying Sophie around right now! But that’s unavoidable at the moment…I am just hoping that I don’t over-do it and throw myself into labor. Which probably won’t happen, but is a very real possibility. And if I go into labor, that means emergency C-section, and it means that Dan would not be here. I don’t even know that I would be able to reach him. We don’t have cell phones at the moment, and he didn’t drive himself to PA. He will be stuck in a classroom, and I will have no way to reach him most of the time. So THAT is worrying me, and I am praying hard that nothing happens.
Dan was great and called me last night as soon as he checked into the hotel. They gave him an executive suite, which sounds nice. He said he’d much rather be home, though. He also called this morning to make sure I was up for my doctor’s appointment, and he also called as soon as he got through with class. I didn’t think he would make it a point to call so much, but it’s nice. I am lonely, and it’s good to hear his voice.
Now on to my pissed-off rant….This just boils my blood! I guess the company Dan works for would rather pay for a rental vehicle and have the people car-pool than have to pay everyone individual mileage for the trip. So one guy who lives the furthest south basically got the rental car and picked Dan and one other jackass up on the way to PA. (You’ll see why I say “jackass” momentarily.)Both of these guys seem like complete morons…The driver forgot the address for the hotel in PA and had to call Dan in hopes that HE had it, cause neither one of them did. (Dan had it.) He also said he would be here about 7:00 PM, and then called back to say “Oops. I didn’t adjust my clock on the gps. I’m going to be an hour earlier.” Which totally ruined the nice dinner Dan and I were going to have together before he left. Okay. Fine. Men can be dumb. This is not why I am pissed.
Fast forward to their arrival….Dan has checked into his room and is getting situated. One of the idiots he rode up with, we’ll just call him Tweedle-Dee, is frantically trying to find somewhere to buy beer and liquor to take back to the room. Thankfully, Dan has his own room! This is VERY much against company policy, and all the class participants were warned beforehand that they were to maintain professional conduct for the duration of the week, in AND out of the classroom. It’s a relatively small town, and he works for a very well-known company, and everyone knows everyone…So word travels back to the corporate office like wildfire, and the employees are expected to behave professionally at all times. They are there to learn, not to party.Guys have been fired and sent home for this kind of behavior before. I thought it was hilarious when the guy came back to the hotel after scouring the whole town just to find that it’s a dry county, and you cannot buy alcohol at any retail stores. I didn’t believe that even existed, but a simple Google search confirmed this. Dan didn’t care. He wasn’t going to play into that, cause he values his job. He brought the Wii and the DS and a bunch of games so that he would have something other to do than gallavant around making an ass of himself.
So today, he calls me after class. He says he loves me and misses me, and that he is supposed to meet up with Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum to get a ride to go get dinner. Since they only have the one rental car, that makes sense. He thought they’d just run to McDonald’s or Taco Bell….WRONG! These idiots want to “go see some titties.” Dan told them he wouldn’t be joining them and went back to his room. The thing that gets me is WHY do these men act like this? They are there on business, both with women and children at home, and they are literally behaving like teenage virgins who have never seen breasts before. PLUS, they had already been warned about how they choose to spend their time out of the classroom. And the fact that they were trying to make MY husband go? I am livid. I am sitting here, fat and pregnant and taking care of his baby 2 states away, and these JACKASSES want to go to a strip club and drag my man along for the ride. Yeah. Not happening. If these guys want to cheat on their wives, that’s their call, but I am willing to bet neither of their spouses would appreciate this at all. And I am also willing to bet that these poor women have no idea what their men are doing.
I am so unbelievably grateful that my husband didn’t succumb to the idea of non-preggo, non fat, and more than likely surgically altered female parts grinding on him and the relentless and immature pressure from his “peers”. (I am using the word peers very, very loosely.) Had he gone, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this. I would be packing up my stuff, getting the kids packed, and cutting the crotches out of all of his pants.
I would NOT tolerate this, and in my mind, going to a strip club while you’re very pregnant wife and baby are at home is cheating, plain and simple. I know there are plenty of people who think it’s perfectly okay and that as long as they aren’t sleeping with these women there is no harm done. They are also the ones who really believe that the strippers really ARE nice girls working their way through school and that Bill Clinton never inhaled.
But let’s break this down…What is cheating? (And I am not even going to go into emotional infedility. That’s an entirely different post in itself!) Cheating is getting sexual gratification in places other than with your spouse, without your partner’s knowledge or involvement. Period. Now let me say, I am no prude. I am not little miss innocent. I am not one of these wives that has their husband’s manly pieces in a vice. If Dan wants to go to a strip club, fine. IF he takes me with him. He wants to look at porn? FINE. Do it WITH me. He could actually get away with a lot more than most husbands could WITH the stipulation that I be involved and there is nothing done behind my back or without me. Luckily, he seems to have no interest in going to a strip club, and oddly enough, he doesn’t like porn. (Not that I am complaining!)
It just irks me that these “men” (again, using the word loosely) have absolutely no problem leaving their poor wives and kids at home while they are out of town on business, and that they would betray their marriage vows by using the distance as an opportunity to be unfaithful. These are not good husbands, which in turn, means they are not good fathers. The best thing a REAL man can do for his children is to be good to their mother. I distinctly remember watching my mom cry herself to sleep and wonder why she wasn’t good enough when 2:00 AM rolled around and a basketball game that WASN’T a basketball game kept her husband away….I remember finding business cards from strip clubs and my mom finding swingers ads with people circled in cities where her husband was scheduled to be on business. I was a CHILD and I remember this….I have no real ill will towards my parents over this, and they probably had no business being married to eachother, as I do not remember it ever being overly happy, but it was more than I needed to see as a child. Infidelity was all around me growing up, and this isn’t something a child should have to see. It hurts the child’s self-esteem and does not teach good values. Especially to those who have daughters….A girl shouldn’t grow up feeling like an object. And boys shouldn’t be raised to think it’s okay to be so sexually driven that he hurts those he loves.
Cheating destroys marriages. It destroys families. And Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum are a couple of unfaithful @ssholes, and they had no business trying to drag my husband down with them. So now I am going to sit here for the rest of the week worrying… Temptation can be hard to resist. I already feel unattractive enough, having been basically pregnant for the better part of 2 years. And my husband is in another state, in a lonely hotel room, surrounded by guys who think nothing of cheating on their wives on company time. Dan made the right choice today….But what if he gets lonely? What if they do nothing but tease him for saying no? What choice will he make tomorrow? I literally feel like I need to throw up. I’m scared. I’m fat and ugly and about to pop, and I am very hormonal. And I am wondering if this trip is going to change our lives in ways that cannot be forgiven or taken back….
So Dan is the manager of an auto shop, and the previous manager was completely and totally incompetent. He was literally tanking the place. Dan has the not-too-easy job of re-establishing clientele, and repairing the reputation of his particular location. Things have gotten much better since he’s taken over, but they aren’t yet where he’d like them to be.
I have been brainstorming and thinking of ways to attract business, such as posting ads on CL for a discount on the total invoice, and I am going to be setting up a Facebook page for his particular location, and running contests on Facebook Promotions for things like free oil changes and state inspections. I will also be putting together a customer appreciation Holiday brunch with things like ham, roasts, appetizer platters, a casserole or two, and of course pizza and hot dogs for the kids. I have also decided to donate some of my unused bath and beauty products to raffle as prizes. For example, for every 100.00 spent, a customer would gain one entry. I am going to make cute gift baskets that would be great for the holidays as first and second prizes, and the grand prize will be FREE LIFETIME oil changes! That’s right…Free oil changes for the life of the vehicle! (Which is something they offer for around 300.00!)
So I am pretty excited. I am stuck here pregnant and taking care of Sophie, which is exactly where I want and need to be, but that doesn’ t really contribute to the household income. It makes me feel good that I can do things to help with his business, so I can feel like I am helping our bottom line at least a little bit.
If anyone has any other ideas to attract business, please comment and let me know! What kind of dishes would YOU like to see at a customer appreciation luncheon? What kinds of products would you like to see in a raffle gift basket? What else would you do to market and get people in the door? Let me know! I’d love to hear any and all ideas you might have!
Okay, so I just need to vent. Big time. I may say things in this post that tomorrow I will no longer mean. But right now, I am stressed-out, and I am pissed. And it would do me more good to write, even if it is angry, than to go around cutting the crotch out of all of Dan’s pants or sitting here crying. (No, I wouldn’t really cut the crotch out of his pants…Well, maybe if he was cheating, but I am confident that he is not.)
There has just been too much going on in such a short period. My life is like a whirlwind of chaos and stress, and all I want is for things to finally go back to normal and run smoothly. I am tired of being exhausted. I am tired of feeling sick and dizzy all the time. I am tired of the “Bedrest Police” aka Dan not letting me do anything but lay around while everything around me deteriorates because I am not able to take care of things. I am pregnant, not crippled. I am tired of being treated like I am an invalid.
I am used to things being a certain way…No, I am not the most organized person in the world. But I do like to keep a clean house. I don’t want crap all over the counters. I don’t want dishes piled in the sink that haven’t even been rinsed. I mean, how hard is it to rinse your dishes before putting them in the sink? And that is IF they even make it to the sink! I am tired of the refrigerator being a mess…I am tired of the carpets that desperately need shampooing being a mess…I am sick of the bathrooms being absolutely disgusting because no one wants to clean them properly, and I am not “allowed” to do it. I am tired of the clutter and not knowing where anything is anymore. With me ALWAYS being pregnant and on bedrest, I have had to let the housework become the responsibility of my very sloppy husband and my 10 year old boy. So needless to say, nothing gets done, and when it does, it isn’t done properly.
I understand that he works his butt off to take care of us. I know he is tired when he comes home. I do not fault him for that. But if something needs to be done, why not just do it rather than let it get to the point of absolute filth? Especially if he doesn’t want me to get fed up and just do it myself? Take today, for example…Today has been a nightmare. I woke up feeling very sick. Sophie was fussy this morning, and in trying to take care of her, I got a bad headache for the 2nd day in a row. And of course, I can’t take anything but Tylenol, and anyone who suffers from migraines knows that Tylenol is a joke. Then I try and run a few errands, and I get home to 5 missed calls from the school. Kyle was sick and in the clinic with a sore throat and a fever of 100.7. So of course, I brought him home. I then tried to find the children’s Tylenol to help with his fever and sore throat, and NOOOO, that wasn’t where it belonged at all. It took me an hour to find it! WHY WAS THE TYLENOL IN THE DRAWER WITH THE DISH RAGS? This is what happens when you let a man try and clean….
So after I am stressed and in tears, Dan calls from work. I am crying. I am just so overwhelmed lately. They still are screwing his paychecks up, and now owe him 800.00, if not a little more. And we have had a house full of kids for the better part of a week, so groceries are low. And of course, there is no money for food. So that stressed me out. And the mess is stressing me out. And when your child is sick, that is stressful. So by the time he called, I was already in tears and exhausted from trying to do cleaning I am not supposed to be doing in the first place. I tried to tell him that I am just stressed, and that I shouldn’t have to live in a filthy house with no food, and that I felt instead of coming home and either half-assing everything or just sitting around doing nothing, he should really be trying to get things to a manageable level, since medically, I am not allowed to do much right now. He then YELLED at me for doing the dishes, and told me I was going to get dizzy and end up in a coma since my BP has been low. (If no one else is going to get anything done, what am I SUPPOSED to do?) So because I was pissed, I responded with, “I would rather be in the hospital and in a coma than be married to a man that is too lazy to care that the house is falling apart, and doesn’t have enough balls to get his paychecks fixed so his family can eat.”
He hung-up on me. I do NOT like being hung-up on. To me, that is one of the rudest things you can do to a person. And it isn’t like he was busy at work…He was calling because the shop was dead and he was bored. He called when I was already stressed and crying, and rather than being supportive and reassuring, he just blew up at me for doing dishes and cleaning that no one else will do, and he hung-up on me. If I had the gas to go anywhere, I would SO get the hell out of here till he apologizes.
I mean, is it wrong of me to want my home to be clean and not look like a bachelor pad? Is it wrong of me to be pissed that his employer has shorted 4 paychecks in a row? Is it wrong that I am worried to death over how we’re going to make ends meet? I mean, I am already sick…I am already hormonal…Should I really have to be the only one who worries about our well-being? I think as a husband and a father, he should be trying to take some of that stress off of my shoulders rather than just add to it. So instead of nagging him to death, I decide to just do the housework myself. And I get yelled at. If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right.
I am sick of having to worry about bills while he just floats through life without a care in the world. He isn’t the one who has to worry all the time. I do that. He doesn’t have to worry about how we’re getting groceries or what we need to do in order to make ends meet. That is all on me.
I am just done with it. Done. I am so mad right now. I feel like he just doesn’t care. And to yell at me for trying to take care of the home our children have to live in? That is beyond messed up. If he was soooo worried about me staying on bedrest, he should have thought about that and taken care of things properly instead of allowing everything to just go to shit. What am I supposed to do? Ugghhhhhh…I cannot wait till I am no longer pregnant and will be treated like a normal person rather than some cripple who can’t wash a friggin dish without getting yelled at for it.
Wow…It seems only yesterday I was breaking curfew and running around with the “bad boys” till all hours of the night. (Girls, too, but I was always considered more one of the guys for some reason.) Life was simpler. No bills, no children to care for, no house to clean, no dinners that had to be made. I was young, and I could live for the moment without really thinking about consequences or repercussions to my actions. If I wanted to stay out all night, I did. If I wanted to buy that outfit that cost more than a week’s worth of groceries, I did. I had no cares in the world…
Fast forward a few years…Okay, maybe more than a few…More like 10 years. Here I am, happily married, with 2 great kids and another on the way. There are diapers to be changed, homework to be checked, dinners to cook, a home to maintain, bills to pay, and I now have to think about whether or not I can afford a new shirt or pair of shoes. My life is no longer my own, and somehow I have gone from the crazy kid out partying all night, riding around with friends to the irritated adult that refers to them now as “those damn kids” and gets annoyed when I see them out causing a scene….where has the time gone, and how did this HAPPEN?
Earlier, I was taking advantage of the finally nicer weather, and I took my Sophie out for a walk. As I was pushing her stroller, I passed a group of guys that were doing landscaping on a neighbor’s yard. There were 4 or 5 of them, and they looked to be about 18-25-ish. As I walked by, I overheard them call me a MILF. At first, I was confused…I looked around, trying to see who this hot chick they were talking about was. Of course, there were no other women out and about. I guess I was the MILF!
First of all, I have very low self-esteem. I don’t think I am even remotely attractive, and I prefer to be invisible at all times. I don’t get called “hot” or “sexy”, let alone get referred to as a MILF. So that shocked me. But then, as I continued on my walk, I started thinking about it…MILF, for those of you who live in a box somewhere, means Mom I’d Like To F**k. To me, a MILF has always been an OLDER woman…Think Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne. Or some late 30’s-early 40’s lonely housewife who gets a pool boy and flirts by bringing him lemonade while scantily clad. Someone whose husband doesn’t take care of them. A PTA mom who has tea with her girlfriends and spends a lot on salon visits and Botox.
Is that really what I have become? I am only 29…And have been told I do not look my age. I get carded frequently. I am not a member of the PTA, I do not have tea and gossip, and I don’t need Botox or a Pool Boy. I listen to current music, I like trendy styles of clothing. I thought that I still maintained enough of my youth to remain “cool”. But apparently, I am old enough to be classified as a MILF. I don’t know whether to be flattered or cry!
In a way, I guess I should be flattered. I don’t get many compliments. Not even from Dan. (He isn’t the expressive type.) I don’t get called hot or pretty or beautiful. Never! So the fact that a group of young men could say that about me, especially when I am preggo and bloated, should make me feel good. On the other hand, I feel old. I mean, it may be MILF NOW, but there is a fine line between MILF and Cougar…and then Spinster or Hag! Where has the time gone? Am I really that old? Do I need to start thinking of Botox or control top panties? Should I start vigilantly watching for grays? Do I need to break out the wrinkle cream?
Maybe it’s just the hormones talking…Maybe I should just be flattered and leave it at that. But I guess maybe it is time I accept that my youth is over. I am not usually viewed as a desirable woman, I am just a MOM. But you know what? That is something I wouldn’t trade for the world!