Oops, I'm Pregnant Again!

A SAHM's take on pregnancy, babies, beauty,and life as a baby making machine.

Tomorrow


Tomorrow is the big day…The day that Xander will make his entrance into the world. I can’t believe how rapidly my pregnancy has flown by this time around. Maybe because I was still in baby-making mode. Maybe I was already so used to it that it didn’t phase me much. Regardless, I know that my life is about to change forever. I am feeling so many different emotions right now…Excitement, anxiety, fear, happiness, trepidation….It literally varies from minute to minute. It still feels almost surreal to me that I am about to be a mother again. Dan and I struggled for so long to have Sophie, and dealt with the heartache and disappointment of infertility, and now here we are, blessed with not only our little princess but with a new addition as well. A son. It’s quite humbling, in a sense, and I thank God for blessing us with our family, especially when we were so afraid for so long that we wouldn’t be able to expand it through means other than possible adoption. We are so lucky.

I don’t think I am going to get much rest between now and Friday morning…My nerves are shot. There is so much I am worried about. The biggest thing is that I will once again be willingly walking into an operating room for yet another cesarean. I fought for the chance at a vaginal delivery, but that was a fight I lost, and I have absolutely no choice but to accept it. I have to be honest, though…Surgery scares the hell out of me. There is always a risk involved, no matter how small, that things could go horribly wrong. I will be doing a lot of praying that both me and Xander will come out of this healthy and strong. I’m sure things will be just fine, and I know I am in capable hands. I have the greatest doctor in the world, and I just have to trust that he will take good care of us. And I will have Dan by my side the whole time, more than likely keeping me calm. And when I am freaking out, which I am sure I will be, that’s a HUGE job in itself!

I have a lot to do still. I have packed and unpacked the hospital bags a few times now, so I need to make up my darn mind what to take with us. I need to make sure I have the camera, my laptop to upload pics, a phone list so we can make our phone calls once Xander is born, and I still need to make sure I have Kyle and Sophie’s things packed for their stay at our awesome friends’ house. I actually broke down and bought some disposable diapers for Sophie, since I am pretty sure her Godmother doesn’t want to deal with cloth. I *almost* feel guilty for doing so,lol…But I know it will make things so much easier for them. and then of course once we’re back at home, she will be little miss fluff butt again. Xander will be in disposables at least at first, but we will be switching him to cloth as soon as those run out. It will make things a lot easier initially as I am healing and we’re dealing with the exhausting schedule of caring for a newborn.  I also need to make sure I do my nails and shave, and that I do something with my hair, even if it’s just a good washing. Hey, since I am going for a scheduled section, I might as well look presentable!

I am also a nervous wreck over what I am going to do once Dan is back at work. He is only getting a week off, and I will have no help. And I will be recovering from surgery. Most of our family members live out of state, so it’s going to be on me 100% to care for both babies and Kyle as well as try to take care of the house, too. I am really worried about that. After a C-section, you’re not supposed to life anything heavier than your newborn….Well, my daughter weighs about 22 lbs. If I life her, am I going to hurt myself? I can’t just leave her in a playpen or crib all day, so I will HAVE to pick her up, probably 100 times a day. How am I going to manage? I am really afraid that I am going to overdo things and end up slowing my healing process. Or even worse, that my incision will open due to the added strain. I don’t know what I am going to do. I’m afraid. This is going to be so hard. Worth every second, but hard!

I just keep staring at the clock and counting down the hours. I cannot wait to meet my little Xan-Man. I cannot wait to finally be able to hold him. I know it will be love at first sight. I wonder who he will look like? Sophie takes more after Dan, in looks and mannerisms. Maybe Xander will, too, or maybe he will be a Mommy’s boy, through and through. Guess we will have to wait and see. Hopefully he will have a head full of hair, though, because it’s COLD here in VA!  So many things to look forward to… And only a day away. We have been waiting for 9 months, and the day is finally approaching, faster than I had anticipated. Tomorrow there will be joy and there will be pain, and there will be a beautiful little boy who will change our lives forever. I can’t wait to meet the little booger!

Advertisements

January 13, 2011 Posted by | My Story | Leave a comment

   

%d bloggers like this: