Oops, I'm Pregnant Again!

A SAHM's take on pregnancy, babies, beauty,and life as a baby making machine.

Onions Make Me Cry And More Desperate Attempts

Any of you who have ever been pregnant KNOW what I mean when I say I’M DONE. By the time a woman reaches her 9th month of pregnancy, all of the novelty of pregnancy has worn off, and you’re ready to sock the next person who randomly comes up to you and tries to rub your belly, or who says “Oh honey, looks like you’re ready to pop any day now!” (DUH….Like I don’t realize that my belly looks like a beach ball or that there is a head mercilessly squishing my bladder, making me have to pee literally every 5 seconds, or that I am now officially waddling like a duck!)

Many women also know that the end of pregnancy is HARD, and enough to make a woman borderline psycho due to pain, discomfort, lack of sleep, and a myriad of other things that just happen to be enough to put one into a state of emotional and mental unrest. For me, last night it was onions. Yep, onions. Now don’t get me wrong, I have always detested the things. I do not understand why anyone would want to eat something that SMELLS like that. And don’t get me started on the texture,lol…Eww. Just EWW. Anyway, last night Dan and I ordered from a local carryout place that is absolutely fantastic. They have the BEST chicken alfredo pizza, and their subs and sandwiches are always amazing, too. Well Dan decided to get a gyro. (Which apparently have onions on them.) We enjoyed our dinner, watched some TV, played with Sophie, and went to bed. Well at about 4:00 AM, I woke up in hysterics….I mean, I was MAD and CRYING. Why? Because Dan had snuggled up to me, was breathing in my general direction, and all I could smell was  ONIONS. Being woken from a dead sleep, especially when sleep is soooo hard to come by lately, by the rancid aroma of onions was enough to make me totally lose it. I cried for a good half hour and demanded to know why he would “eat onions on purpose.”  Of course, now that I am fully awake, this sounds ludacris, but last night, it was as if he had committed the most horrific offense that I somehow took personally. I chalk it up to pregnancy hormones and complete and total exhaustion. Yes, onions upset me, and they upset me greatly, but not enough to make me cry,lol…So now I am laughing my butt off at myself! I need to be done with this whole pregnancy thing. I want to be ME again, and I am sure Dan does, too,lol

So that brings me to my latest attempts at coaxing myself into what my 10 year old calls “Boom Boom POW labor.” I am stuck at 1.5 cm and am mostly effaced. I hurt all the time, and am having contractions that are painful as all get out that start and stop. So I have been desperately trying to convince my body to have mercy on me and go into labor already. I have been trying everything I have been able to find to induce labor. I am convinced that Xander just isn’t going to cooperate, and I am stuck being preggo till my scheduled C-section date of January 14th. Thankfully, that is now less than a week away. So what have I done to try? Let’s see… I will make a list.

  • Yoga Ball. Dan was nice enough to run to WalMart and get me one to sit and rock on. It is relaxing, but has done nothing in the way of getting the ball rolling, no pun intended.
  • Eggplant parmesan. I have been reading on preggo message boards that this can jump-start labor. While it is tasty, and I enjoy it, all it has managed to do is irritate my heartburn,lol
  • Evening Primrose Oil. Inserted into the va-jay-jay nightly. This is supposed to help the cervix dilate and efface. All it has done for me is make me smell odd and wake up feeling like I have been stuck in an oil slick overnight.
  • Breast pumping. When the breasts are pumped or there is sufficient nipple stimulation, the body releases oxytocin, a hormone that can cause strong and regular uterine contractions. But you have to pump a LOT. So I have been. While it HAS produced some contractions, they have not been enough to get the show on the road, and frankly, now I know what dairy cows must feel like!
  • Bumpy car rides. This DOES NOT WORK. It does NOTHING other than piss Xander off and make him beat me up internally. NEXT!
  • Skipping stairs. Going up flights of stairs 2 steps at a time. A friend SWEARS this worked for her, and I don’t doubt her one bit, but it has done nothing for me other than wear me out and make me cramp…although apparently not enough, and I have done this for an hour at a time.
  • Sex. Okay, I know that the prostaglandins in semen are supposed to work, as is the female orgasm. But for some reason when I am pregnant, I “feel” different and the main event only lasts a few seconds. Not sufficient for bringing on labor, I’m sure. So while it’s still fun to try, no cigar.
  • Spicy food. Xander is a Taco Bell baby, so I have been eating a LOT of spicy food. And nothing is happening. Myth debunked. Although anyone who brings me a cheesy potato burrito will be my friend for life! lol
  • Having a good, long cry. Okay, if this actually worked, the onion incident would have landed me in labor and delivery last night!
  • Cumin Tea. Can we say acid reflux attack? DO NOT TRY if you have a sensitive tummy. Just don’t. Ouch!
  • Raspberry Leaf Tea. Said to tone and prime the uterus for labor. Okay….My uterus must be ready for an Iron Man competition, but still no labor….
  • Walking. Not working. All it does is bring on contractions that stop, causes intense feelings of pressure, and makes me feel like I need to walk with my knees crossed to keep the baby from falling out. But still no labor.
  • Galloping. Yes, I said galloping. Like a big, preggo horse. I think a man must have come up with this one solely for his own amusement. Granted, it must be funny to watch a pregnant woman desperate enough to gallop around make a total fool of herself, but this did not work. It just shook my guts around and made me feel silly.
  • Dancing. Anyone who knows me knows I do not dance. As in I can’t. But it didn’t stop me from trying. A few times. And nothing happened. I made Sophie laugh, though, so I guess it was worth it, anyway.
  • And that leaves the dreaded castor oil…Which I am NEVER doing again.

So here are the things I have been trying to jump start labor and get this baby out of me. Nothing has proven to be effective. I officially give up! Unless YOU have any ideas I haven’t tried yet…..


January 9, 2011 Posted by | My Story | Leave a comment


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