Oops, I'm Pregnant Again!

A SAHM's take on pregnancy, babies, beauty,and life as a baby making machine.

Less Than A Month Now…It All Feels So Final

I cannot believe how quickly this pregnancy has flown by. With Sophie, it seemed to drag on and on, but now with Xander, it has literally felt like no time at all. Maybe it’s because I am just so used to being pregnant by now. Almost 2 years straight will do that to you. I can’t believe that in less than a month, I will have my little boy. It seems so surreal. I must admit, when we found out we were expecting again so soon after Sophie, I was terrified, and yes, I will admit, I was not overly thrilled. I had just had a C-section and had barely had time to recover. Plus, the idea of having  2  babies at once was never on my to do list. We knew we wanted one more, but I had hoped that would happen in another year or so. At least after Sophie was potty-trained. But things happen for a reason, and who am I to argue with whatever plan God has for me?

Anyway, it is now December 19, 2010. My son will be born on January 14, 2011, unless he decides he has the patience of his daddy,haha. So it could be 3 weeks from now or it could be tomorrow. Either way, it’s getting close, and I can feel it coming. He has dropped already, and I think I have shed the mucous plug, or at least part of it. I have sudden bursts of energy, and I cannot sleep. I am even having contractions off and on, and they have gotten stronger and more frequent. More signs that his birth is nearing. I feel strangely calm….At this time 1 year ago, I was awaiting Sophie’s arrival. I was a bundle of nerves, and I couldn’t wait to be done. Okay,I still can’t wait to be done. I am in pain and exhausted and ready to meet my baby. But the difference here is that there is no state of panic. I am not full of what-if’s….I am confident that while surgery is never easy, everything will go smoothly and that Xander will be a big, healthy baby. I don’t have all the worry that surrounded Sophie’s birth. That’s a blessing in itself, since I tend to over-worry things.

The only thing that is bothering me is that, while we decided this is our last child and our family is complete, the decision to get my tubes tied seems so….final…..Like I will no longer be a fully functional woman. Dan and I had played with the idea of HIM getting fixed instead of me, since I had a friend that may be in need of a surrogate someday, and I would have been more than willing to do so, even if it meant using my own eggs if need be. You never know what the circumstances will be surrounding that, and I wanted to leave every option open to her. But that will no longer be happening, and since I will already be opened up, we have decided that we will go ahead with the tubal ligation. Dan may still get a vasectomy for added insurance, but now it seems there is no real reason for me to postpone getting my tubes tied. I don’t know why the thought of this is making me sad. I know I don’t want any more children. 3 is enough, and we couldn’t afford a 4th, anyway. I guess maybe it’s because it’s the end…the end of my fertility….I will be officially “broken”. While that isn’t a bad thing, and it’s the smartest decision, I cannot help but grieve just a little bit. Is this normal? I mean, I’m not crying my eyes out, and I know this is the right thing to do, but a small part of me is just a little bit sad and uncertain over the whole thing. Dan has insisted that if for whatever reason we decide we would want another many years from now, we can adopt. We actually looked into that while suffering from infertility before we were blessed with Sophie. Dan was adopted, and adoption has a very near and dear place in our hearts.

I don’t know…I know we’re making the right decision. It just seems to all be coming so quickly. Less than a month…Wow…. It’s amazing how time flies!! All I know is I cannot wait to meet my little Zan-Man!


December 19, 2010 - Posted by | My Story

1 Comment »

  1. I can totally understand so many of these feelings. Right now is a horrible time for us to get pregnant, and yet I am dying to. I don’t know how I will feel when I finally decided to tie my tubes. Er, IF I do….

    Good luck!!

    I am a new follower/fan on Facebook!

    I’ve got a cloth diaper giveaway coming soon, you’ll have to come and follow me to see it!

    Comment by Marni | February 6, 2011 | Reply

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