Oops, I'm Pregnant Again!

A SAHM's take on pregnancy, babies, beauty,and life as a baby making machine.

30 Days Of Truth~Day 10: Someone You Need To Let Go Or Wish You Didn’t Know

First here is a bit of a disclaimer: This is my blog. I find it easier to open up when I write, and I am very candid and to the point. Sometimes what I say is positive, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes  people may agree with me, sometimes they won’t. This 30 day challenge is all about raw honesty and self-examination. It is about being real with your feelings. It is not to cause drama, it is not to point fingers, it is not to do anything other than be real with myself as I complete this 30 day journey. I will not sugar coat things, and I will not deny myself the ability to express my feelings freely just because some of them may not be all rainbows and butterflies. I am a firm believer that if you feel something, LET yourself feel it. Get it out. Learn to heal. Right or wrong, feelings are just that: Feelings. And there is no personal growth if they are not dealt with or expressed. I am not doing this challenge to bash anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. As a matter of fact, I am choosing to not go into specific names or relationships where applicable, because I do not want to create drama. But this is MY blog. It is my outlet to express myself  in any way I choose to. Life is not always happy or glamorous. I won’t lie to my readers or myself and say it is on here just to placate anyone or present things a way that they’re not. If I am having a great day, you will know it. If I am having a bad day, you’ll know that, too. This challenge has not been an easy one to take on, but I see more benefit to MYSELF in doing it than in not doing it. If you want me to keep things real, keep reading. If you cannot respect my right to talk about my own feelings and my life in a raw and honest manner, no one is forcing you to stay and read. That’s the wonderful thing about the internet. One click and you can go somewhere else, and anything you don’t like will be lost in cyberspace. Out of sight, out of mind. Now on to today’s challenge….

I don’t really think I have any of these…I could say my ex-husband, but if I never knew him, I wouldn’t have Kyle. I could say my mother, because she has done so much to hurt me and my children, whether she has meant to or not. But without her, I wouldn’t exist….Of all the people who have hurt me the most, they have all played some sort of integral and unfortunately necessary role in my life. I would not be where I am or who I am without even the most toxic of people’s contributions to my life. Does that mean I am happy about certain people or events ever having taken place? No, of course not. There are things I wish never happened. But they did. And I survived. Life does not come without pain. Life doesn’t come without bad experiences. It’s what you do with them that matters the most.Just because bad things happen to a person doesn’t mean you have to be a certain way because of it. Just because a parent is an addict or alcoholic doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps. You’re not destined to repeat a cycle that is destructive just because you experienced someone else doing it. And if you do fall into bad habits because of what you were shown by others, you can learn and you can change. No one dictates how your life goes. You choose that yourself, for the most part.

Everyone has their scars, whether they be physical or emotional. Some you can see with the naked eye, others are deep down and run deep. Everyone has their issues. Everyone has their insecurities. And if someone claims they are not insecure at all, they are lying, plain and simple. Everyone has things that life has thrown at them that they need to overcome. It could take a moment, or it could take years. But isn’t that why we’re here? To learn, to grow, and to evolve into the best people we are capable of being? It’s a lifelong process. It doesn’t just happen overnight, even if we want it to. Our experiences and the people involved in our lives, good or bad, help shape us. Whether it’s someone you look up to or someone you would never want to be like in a million years, you learn from each and every one. And eliminating any of these people or experiences could potentially alter things in ways that are unfathomable. If I never married my ex and had Kyle, would I be the same person I am now? Before him, I never wanted to have kids. I was wild. I was reckless. I didn’t know how to care about anyone unconditionally. I was angry and bitter. He changed my life. So if I never had  to go through an abusive marriage, I never would have had my son, and chances are, I wouldn’t have my current wonderful husband, my daughter, or the bun that’s still in the oven.

Maybe it would be easier to never have known many people….Maybe it would have saved me a lot of heartache. But things happen for a reason, and it’s not up to me to question those reasons. So looking back, despite a lot of pain and adversity, I would have to say I wouldn’t change a thing. I let go of what and who I need to just fine already, but I wouldn’t totally erase a person from my memory as a whole. Each person, as crappy as they might be, has taught me something. And knowledge and experience is  something you don’t just erase.


December 16, 2010 - Posted by | My Story

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