Oops, I'm Pregnant Again!

A SAHM's take on pregnancy, babies, beauty,and life as a baby making machine.

30 Days of Truth~Day 8: Someone Who Has Treated Me Like Sh*t.


First here is a bit of a disclaimer: This is my blog. I find it easier to open up when I write, and I am very candid and to the point. Sometimes what I say is positive, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes  people may agree with me, sometimes they won’t. This 30 day challenge is all about raw honesty and self-examination. It is about being real with your feelings. It is not to cause drama, it is not to point fingers, it is not to do anything other than be real with myself as I complete this 30 day journey. I will not sugar coat things, and I will not deny myself the ability to express my feelings freely just because some of them may not be all rainbows and butterflies. I am a firm believer that if you feel something, LET yourself feel it. Get it out. Learn to heal. Right or wrong, feelings are just that: Feelings. And there is no personal growth if they are not dealt with or expressed. I am not doing this challenge to bash anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. As a matter of fact, I am choosing to not go into specific names or relationships where applicable, because I do not want to create drama. But this is MY blog. It is my outlet to express myself  in any way I choose to. Life is not always happy or glamorous. I won’t lie to my readers or myself and say it is on here just to placate anyone or present things a way that they’re not. If I am having a great day, you will know it. If I am having a bad day, you’ll know that, too. This challenge has not been an easy one to take on, but I see more benefit to MYSELF in doing it than in not doing it. If you want me to keep things real, keep reading. If you cannot respect my right to talk about my own feelings and my life in a raw and honest manner, no one is forcing you to stay and read. That’s the wonderful thing about the internet. One click and you can go somewhere else, and anything you don’t like will be lost in cyberspace. Out of sight, out of mind. Now on to today’s challenge…..

 

Yes, that is really today’s topic….And what a day to have that one pop up at me. Seriously. So I am going to *try* to honestly post my answer to this, and do it calmly and as tactfully as possible. I am not naming names. I am above that. I am an adult. I do not need to point fingers or start any ridiculous drama. But the fact of the matter is, I was royally treated like sh*t TODAY, so the wound is more than a little bit raw right now. I am incredibly hurt, and downright flabbergasted at what I had to deal with today, and while out of respect for the person who basically had a manic explosion at my expense for absolutely no good reason, I will not get TOO specific here. It is really no one’s business, and I don’t have time in my life to drag out some childish and immature episode. It doesn’t deserve that much of my attention, as I have enough going on that IS important, like my marriage, my family, taking care of life’s everyday necessities and getting ready for the birth of my son. The ONLY reason I am posting anything at all is because it falls perfectly into today’s topic.

I *had* a friend. A good friend. Someone I would have done anything for. I didn’t get to see this person as often as I would have liked, and I didn’t even get to talk to them everyday. But with most adult relationships, that is the case. There are other obligations that demand lots of time and attention, and it is completely and totally normal to talk once a week or so, as long as there is some sort of connection maintained. Most grown ups have kids to care for, households, jobs, and marriages/relationships to maintain, so it isn’t always feasable to talk on a daily basis. I know lately that has been the case for me. There has been so much bearing down on me, that I have had little time or opportunity to connect with ANYONE, let alone this person. I am in the last (difficult) leg of my pregnancy, I cannot sleep right, I am in constant pain and discomfort, I have an infant to care for, a 10 year old to care for, a household to manage, and a marriage to maintain as well. On top of that, we had a pet die, and everyone in my house, myself included, has  gotten really sick recently as well. So obviously, there was so much going on that I haven’t been as available for long conversations lately.

Not to mention, a couple of months ago, this person expressed the need for space to figure things out in their life, and basically told me I was still their friend, and it wasn’t personal, but basically “Don’t call me, I’ll call you when I am up to talking. I need time for me to reevaluate my life.” Okay. Fair enough. That stung a little, since she and I could always pretty much talk about anything, but  if time and space was what my friend needed to better her life, I would respect that and back off. I didn’t call. I checked in with her online, but waited for her to call me, like was asked of me. And when we did get the chance to talk, we would talk for 2 or 3 hours and I was grateful to have gotten the chance to catch up on the phone rather than online. But I know when I am stressed, I tend to become totally introverted, and I wouldn’t ask for space and to be left alone with my thought unless that was really what I wanted.

And then today, pretty much out of nowhere, I get hit with a BOMB of an email, saying basically that because I did exactly what was asked of me, I had somehow hurt her. (I was dumbfounded, because I thought I was doing the RIGHT thing by respecting her desires.) How I was a terrible friend for NOT calling all the time. WHEN I WAS SPECIFICALLY ASKED NOT TO FOR AWHILE. Ooookay…. Sure.

And then, I was ripped apart for things that weren’t even accurate, and/or shouldn’t have even been issues to begin with and were based on this person’s assumptions. Here is what I got attacked with:

  • They are hurt because they weren’t asked to be there for labor and delivery of my son. Okay…I am having a scheduled C-section,( which means it’s a pretty safe bet there will be no labor)  and the doctor is only allowing me 1 person to be there with me. And I’m sorry but my husband and the father of my child kind of takes priority here, since he DID help create the baby!
  • They are upset because I didn’t ask them to be Xander’s Godparent. Well, I had actually planned on doing just that, but was going to wait till he was born and they had met him, and I was going to ask in person. Apparently, trying to make it special for them isn’t good enough, and they just assumed I wasn’t going to ask them at all.
  • They are upset because I didn’t opt to name my son after them. There was discussion of incorporating their name into the baby’s name if we were having a GIRL. But we are having a boy, and while there is a male variation of this person’s name, it wouldn’t be the same. I hadn’t planned on naming my son after a woman. Daughter? Sure. But not my son.  Not to mention, the hubby and I are naming this one the same way we named Sophie. I pick the first name and he picks the middle. The middle name, at Dan’s request, will be Eric, and trust me, the name in question would NOT sound good with Eric at all. I don’t feel I should be attacked for making that choice.
  • They are also upset because I am allowing Sophie’s GodMother to watch my kids while we’re in the hospital having Xander. This one I REALLY don’t get. At all. There was a brief discussion about the possibility of this person coming and watching the kids during this time, but that it would have to be discussed closer to the date because they have a very iffy schedule and may not be able to commit to that. In lieu of all they have going on and not wanting to inconvenience them, I graciously accepted when Sophie’s Godmother offered to take the kids. Plus, Kyle gets along with HER kids and wanted to go there, (begged, actually) and she already has her home set up for Sophie, as far as toys, a crib, a stroller, and other baby gear. And Sophie needs her time with them. She has a blast over there, and is quite attached to that whole family. Now this person is angry at me because I “depend on my daughter’s Godmother” and not on her. WTF?! This to me is very reminiscent of little kids at recess saying “If you play with so-and-so today, I’m not your friend anymore.” As an adult, I realize that it’s OKAY and HEALTHY to have different friends and to be able to depend on all of them in different ways. Sophie’s Godmother and I help eachother out a lot in the area of our children. She is willing to take mine when needed, and I am always willing to take hers when she needs it. It is an arrangement that works out well, since the kids are close, and it saves both families the cost of a sitter. Does that mean I wouldn’t have trusted this person with my children? Not at all. I would have definitely trusted them. But with everything they had going on, I didn’t want to inconvenience them, especially when their offer wasn’t a concrete one.
  • Kind of related to the last one, but not really…They are upset because we go to other peoples’ homes but not to hers. My daughter’s Godmother was mentioned specifically, as though it’s not fair that we go over there on occasion. Okay. First of all, we really don’t go anywhere. We don’t have the luxury of getting to just go and hang out with people on a regular basis, especially lately. And when we DO go somewhere, there is usually an underlying reason, usually related to the kids.  And here’s the kicker….This person is mad that we don’t come and visit, but WE HAVE NEVER BEEN INVITED. Not once! We had been over there one time, and it was to drop something off to them that they needed and we had an extra we could spare to help them out. And in my humble opinion, it is rude to invite yourself to someone’s home and it’s even ruder to just show up there. AND the person had given the impression that they would rather NOT have people over for a few different reasons, and it would work out better to hang out here instead when we got together, not to mention they usually preferred to get out of their house some. Yeah…Okay….Sure. Doesn’t make sense to me, and I am pretty offended.
  • Oh, also apparently I am not worthy of being their friend because ” I am not the same person they are and I wouldn’t handle every situation the exact same way they would, so we can’t possibly get along.” This, to me, sounds ridiculously juvenile and very, very irrational. Of COURSE I am not the EXACT same as them….I am ME. And the funny thing is, we have a lot in common! But because there are differences in some areas, we can’t possibly be friends. Again, reminiscent of grade school. EVERYONE is different. No 2 people are 100% alike, and no one handles things exactly the same way. Adult relationships accept and embrace these differences, and they don’t get in the way. Adults respect eachother’s differences. For example, I am a much stricter parent than a lot of my friends. I don’t let my kids do things that their kids are allowed to do. Does that make me lose respect for them or not want to be around them? Not at all. They are grown and can raise their kids the way they see fit. No 2 parenting styles are exactly alike, and I don’t expect anyone to do everything my way, or to think exactly the same way I do.  I think the only way I would have an issue is if someone were abusing, neglecting, or being some sort of danger to their kids, or exposing them to things that no kid should be seeing. Outside of that, it is not my concern. Same way I could be classified as a Republican. Does that make me love my Democrat friends any less? Nope. Not at all. I don’t expect anyone to think the same way as I do all the time, nor do I expect them to do things the same way I would. All I expect from a friend is that they are genuine and they treat others well. People are wonderfully and gloriously varied, and that is one thing that makes friendships interesting. And it’s not like I am corrupt. I am not a crackhead, an addict, an alcoholic, I don’t hit my kids, I don’t even scream at them, I don’t party, I don’t cheat on my husband….I don’t see what the problem is at all. So be it.

So there it is…Maybe I am just hormonal, but all of the above seem ridiculous, childish, and downright unfair. I don’t have time for that kind of personal attack when all I have done is try and be a friend to this person, respect their wishes, and have done exactly as I was asked to do. Maybe they are just addicted to the drama of needing a reason to feel wronged. Maybe they need the attention. I really don’t know. I just know that I have been completely blindsided here, and for no reason at all. I have no idea what is going on in this person’s head, and right now I don’t care. I am very hurt now, and I don’t have time for people who are always trying to find something wrong when there doesn’t need to be a problem in the first place. I have a family to worry about and responsibilities in my own life. I don’t feel I have done anything wrong. Moral of the story: Say what you mean and mean what you say. You cannot justifiably get angry at someone for doing what you ask if you ask for something you don’t really want. No one can be a mind-reader, and most of us adults are beyond the head games. Don’t get upset when you get exactly what you ask for because someone cares about you and wants to respect your wishes. I am 29, not 12, and I’m not into guessing games. I hope this person is happy… They just completely and unfairly pushed away a real friend who would have done anything for them. Maybe one day they’ll realize that. Maybe not. I just know I won’t let anyone treat me that way when I know in my heart I haven’t done anything wrong. The only thing I am guilty of is caring too much and having a life outside of that friendship that required my time and attention, too. So friggin sue me.

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December 15, 2010 - Posted by | My Story

2 Comments »

  1. If someone acted this way towards me, I just wouldn’t want them in my life anymore. It’s not worth the grief.

    Comment by Gianna | December 15, 2010 | Reply

    • I agree completely. It’s sad, too, since I have known the person since 7th grade. Oh well. I can’t change the way someone is. I just don’t have time for that kind of negativity.

      Comment by Brandy | December 15, 2010 | Reply


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