Oops, I'm Pregnant Again!

A SAHM's take on pregnancy, babies, beauty,and life as a baby making machine.

30 Days Of Truth~Day 7: Someone Who Has Made My Life Worth Living

First here is a bit of a disclaimer: This is my blog. I find it easier to open up when I write, and I am very candid and to the point. Sometimes what I say is positive, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes  people may agree with me, sometimes they won’t. This 30 day challenge is all about raw honesty and self-examination. It is about being real with your feelings. It is not to cause drama, it is not to point fingers, it is not to do anything other than be real with myself as I complete this 30 day journey. I will not sugar coat things, and I will not deny myself the ability to express my feelings freely just because some of them may not be all rainbows and butterflies. I am a firm believer that if you feel something, LET yourself feel it. Get it out. Learn to heal. Right or wrong, feelings are just that: Feelings. And there is no personal growth if they are not dealt with or expressed. I am not doing this challenge to bash anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. As a matter of fact, I am choosing to not go into specific names or relationships where applicable, because I do not want to create drama. But this is MY blog. It is my outlet to express myself  in any way I choose to. Life is not always happy or glamorous. I won’t lie to my readers or myself and say it is on here just to placate anyone or present things a way that they’re not. If I am having a great day, you will know it. If I am having a bad day, you’ll know that, too. This challenge has not been an easy one to take on, but I see more benefit to MYSELF in doing it than in not doing it. If you want me to keep things real, keep reading. If you cannot respect my right to talk about my own feelings and my life in a raw and honest manner, no one is forcing you to stay and read. That’s the wonderful thing about the internet. One click and you can go somewhere else, and anything you don’t like will be lost in cyberspace. Out of sight, out of mind. Now on to today’s challenge…..




As a mother and a wife, this is by far the easiest possible question to answer. My family has made my life worth living. I have 2 (soon to be 3) of the most amazing and beautiful children in the world, and I have a husband who never ceases to amaze me with his kindness, his warmth, and his quiet and often understated sensitivity. In this post, I am going to address each member of my family in letter form, letting them know what they mean to me. It is sometimes too easy with the stresses and challenges of everyday life to take things and people for granted, and to forget the importance of showing the people you love that you love them every chance you get. And love is something my heart is brimming over with, because while times may be tough, I have the best family ever!


You came into my life when I was least expecting it. As far as I was concerned, you were just a nice childhood memory of the first boy I ever really cared about. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I loved you as a teen, as much as a child is capable of loving, but we all know that you don’t really know what love is when you’re that young. We had a good time together, you “corrupted” me, and we amicably went our separate ways. Not because we didn’t get along, but because we were not mature enough to have a real relationship. You married a psycho, so did I….Years went by, and while you weren’t a constant on my mind, when I thought of you, I would smile.

Things change, and life happens. I decided to end what was an abusive marriage. I had a son who I would do anything for. I wasn’t looking for love. As a matter of fact, the idea of love scared me. Then you happened. Back into my life with nothing more than a MySpace friend request. You tried for months to get me to meet up and hang out with you, and I resisted. You finally wore me down. (You always were persistent,lol) When I showed up at Denny’s, I didn’t expect my life to change. I only expected to catch up with an old friend and go on my merry way. I wasn’t prepared for the connection that we shared, or for the level of comfort I had found in you. We could read eachother’s thoughts and finish eachother’s sentences right off the bat. It was something I had never, ever experienced before. You quickly became my best friend, as well as the love of my life.

With you, things were different. I could simply be ME, flaws and all, and that was good enough. I could tell you anything that was on my mind without fear of ridicule or judgement. For the first time in my life, I knew what it really meant to be in love. Had I loved before? Sure. But in the words of Colin Raye, “That was a river, this is the ocean.” I was never IN love until you. I am convinced that God put me on this earth to be your wife and raise a family with you. You were always the one, and I just didn’t know it. Funny how things work out! You were the first, and I am thrilled to say you’ll be the last.

I am who I am because of you. We have been married almost 3 years now, and we have a beautiful family. You took Kyle in as your own, and you love him as much as any “real” father loves their child. And after years of struggling with PCOS and infertility, we have our little miracle, Sophia. You are the best Daddy in the world, and I fall in love with you every time I see you with your little girl. And now we have Xander on the way…. Now wasn’t he quite the surprise?! But he was a surprise that you welcomed and embraced immediately, even though the timing is terrible, and it means we are going to seriously struggle to make ends meet. You never once  expressed unhappiness about having another baby so soon after Sophie. You took lemons, and you made lemonade. And very soon, we will get to hold him in our arms, and our family will be complete.

Thank you for all you do to take care of us…All the long hours at work, all the help around the house while I am on bedrest, all the diapers and bottles, cleaning up after my morning sickness, helping Kyle with his homework, and always trying your best to provide for your family. I am blessed to have you, and I will love you for the rest of my life. I am glad that my sons will have you to teach them what a REAL man is.


What can I say….You are my little man, and I am so proud you are my son. You are the kindest, sweetest, most caring little guy in the world. You are sensitive, and you are sweet. You are a wonderful artist, a good friend to those you care about, and you have quite the vibrant personality!

You changed my life. No…I should say you SAVED my life. Mommy was a wild teen, and didn’t always make the best decisions. And then you came along.  When I found out I was having you, I was going through a very hard time. I was afraid, and I didn’t know if I could really be a mom. I had never really thought about it before. Not because I didn’t want to be, but because I was very young and it just wasn’t in my plans yet. I was very happy you were on the way, though. And when you were born, you took my breath away. I couldn’t believe I had made this tiny, perfect little person. The love I felt for you immediately was the purest and strongest feeling I had ever known. It’s like my heart was existing outside of me in YOU.

I have loved watching you grow. I loved your baby years. You were the sweetest, shyest little guy with those big blue eyes and golden blonde hair.And you were SUCH a mommy’s boy. You always wanted to snuggle, and you were my constant companion. For awhile, it was just you and me against the world. Mommy and her little Woobie. Now you’re in 5th grade. You’re almost 11. The pre-teen attitude has definitely set in, but I still see my sweet little boy in there. You will always be my baby, and I will always love you unconditionally. You have a kind heart, and a creative spirit, and I am so proud to call you my son.


You are my little Princess. My little diva, with an attitude to match. You’re cute and you know it. You are the sweetest, most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Your Daddy and I tried very hard to have you, and now you’re here, and you’re almost a year old. I can’t believe how much you have grown. You were 6 lbs 5 oz when you were born. Just a tiny little thing. You looked just like Daddy right from the start, and you even have a lot of his mannerisms, even as a baby. When I first held you, I held a miracle. There has never been a child more wanted than you. You have changed our lives in so many ways, and I am so lucky to be your Mommy.

You brighten my world. Your smile lights up a room, and your sweet baby giggles are like music to my ears. I love watching you explore the world around you and learn new things. Every day with you is a new adventure, and I cannot wait to see what you do next. You are my little angel. You are my everything. You are love in its purest form, and I am so happy I have you in my life. I promise to help you learn and grow, and that I will always be there for you. You make the world a brighter, happier place to be in. I love you, baby girl.


It’s the Zan-Man! You haven’t made your grand entrance into the world just yet….Just a few more short weeks to go. Wow, actually, it will be exactly one month from today that I will finally be able to hold you in my arms and see your little face for the very first time. (Unless, of course, you have other plans!)

You came as quite the surprise. We had just had your sister, and were not expecting you! But we are so happy and blessed that you will be a part of our lives, even if it wasn’t planned. I cannot wait to meet you. I have so many questions about you that I can’t wait to see the answers to….Will you have a head full of hair like Sophia, or will you be bald like Kyle was when he was born? Will you be a calm and collected baby, or will you make your feelings known with gusto? What will your little hands and feet look like? Will you have your Daddy’s eyes? My nose? What will that little smile look like?

No matter what, though, I can promise you that you’re already absolutely perfect, just the way you are! Mommy and Daddy love you already, and cannot wait to welcome you to the world.


December 14, 2010 - Posted by | My Story

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