Oops, I'm Pregnant Again!

A SAHM's take on pregnancy, babies, beauty,and life as a baby making machine.

30 Days of Truth~Day 6: Something I Hope I Never Have To Do In My Life


First here is a bit of a disclaimer: This is my blog. I find it easier to open up when I write, and I am very candid and to the point. Sometimes what I say is positive, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes  people may agree with me, sometimes they won’t. This 30 day challenge is all about raw honesty and self-examination. It is about being real with your feelings. It is not to cause drama, it is not to point fingers, it is not to do anything other than be real with myself as I complete this 30 day journey. I will not sugar coat things, and I will not deny myself the ability to express my feelings freely just because some of them may not be all rainbows and butterflies. I am a firm believer that if you feel something, LET yourself feel it. Get it out. Learn to heal. Right or wrong, feelings are just that: Feelings. And there is no personal growth if they are not dealt with or expressed. I am not doing this challenge to bash anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings. As a matter of fact, I am choosing to not go into specific names or relationships where applicable, because I do not want to create drama. But this is MY blog. It is my outlet to express myself  in any way I choose to. Life is not always happy or glamorous. I won’t lie to my readers or myself and say it is on here just to placate anyone or present things a way that they’re not. If I am having a great day, you will know it. If I am having a bad day, you’ll know that, too. This challenge has not been an easy one to take on, but I see more benefit to MYSELF in doing it than in not doing it. If you want me to keep things real, keep reading. If you cannot respect my right to talk about my own feelings and my life in a raw and honest manner, no one is forcing you to stay and read. That’s the wonderful thing about the internet. One click and you can go somewhere else, and anything you don’t like will be lost in cyberspace. Out of sight, out of mind. Now on to today’s challenge…..

 

 

 

Okay…I can make this easy-peasy and say I hope I never have to bury a child or my husband before me…But I am pretty sure that is most peoples’ response to this question. Both of those scenarios are literally the worst possible things that could ever happen to someone, and I hope I never have to do either.

But I am going to try and think of something additional….I really haven’t ever thought about this before. There are a lot of things I hope I never HAVE to do… Like eat seafood, eggs, or onions….Or sour cream. Or this truly disgusting thing I saw on Iron Chef today that literally made me run for the bathroom to vomit called gooey duck. But then again, that would more than likely fall into the seafood category.

I guess something major I hope I never have to do, which kind of ties in to my day 4 post in ways I don’t care to fully elaborate on publicly, is ever have to regret the choices I make in life or have to explain them to my children out of remorse. I guess kids learn by example. They learn what they live. They can either go down the same path they were shown growing up, or they can change direction. I have chosen to do the latter. I don’t want to have to look my kids in the face one day when they are old enough to understand things and explain to them why other things were more important than they are. I will not let any demons affect the way I raise my children. I will not put substances or alcohol first, and I will never, ever make them feel like they are not loved or not good enough. I had to deal with this, and am still dealing with this, and it is hard.

A certain person in my life has made choices throughout theirs that I will never understand. They have pushed away everyone who loves them in every way possible, and they are missing out on some of life’s most precious gifts. I suppose for an addict, this is easy to do. But it makes me sad. I am sad that I cannot have a real relationship with this person, and I am sad that my children don’t have one, either. I am sad that I cannot pick up the phone and call this person and have a real conversation with them because they don’t ever answer their phone…I am sad that I cannot take my children and husband to spend time with this person because they do not want to see anyone and would rather stay trapped in the vicious cycle of addiction. I am sad that I cannot talk to this person and tell them I am afraid for their life, because they are in denial and would just get angry.

I made a vow to myself when I became a mother that my kids would never, ever have to grow up seeing these kinds of things. That’s why I don’t really drink. And why, even when prescribed to me, I am very cautious about taking any kind of pain meds. I don’t want to fall victim to a cycle I know too well, but not from my own experience.

So one thing I hope I NEVER have to do is make my kids feel the way a certain person has made me feel. One thing I will never do is follow in their footsteps. I want to give my kids a better, happier childhood than the one I had.

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December 13, 2010 - Posted by | My Story

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