Don’t Drink The Castor Oil! A Graphic Account Of My Stupidity And Desperation
When I was pregnant with Sophie, I had the pregnancy from hell. Literally. I was sick the entire 9 months, and I don’t mean a little queasy…I mean projectile vomit all over the place, usually a couple times per day. I was always in pain, and I was stuck in the early stages of labor for over a month and a half. The contractions would come in all their fury, and would be horrible for an hour or so, and then they would just STOP. I was stuck at 2cm for almost a month.
Needless to say, by the 9th month, I was ready to be done. I wanted the baby to be born so I could finally put an end to the pain and discomfort of pregnancy. I had researched online ways to jump-start labor.
We tried everything! I tried going on bumpy car rides, which with the winter we had meant hopping in Dan’s Suburban and putting it into 4WD and braving the snow covered roads in my neighborhood. It was massively uncomfortable, but did not bring a baby!
I tried running up and down the stairs. All that did was wear me out, and while it DID bring on contractions, they weren’t enough to send me to Labor and Delivery.
I tried cumin tea. Just don’t. Period. All it did was give me the worst reflux ever, and made me vomit. But no baby!
I tried raspberry leaf tea my friend, Corinne, gave me. While it tasted pretty good, it definitely didn’t bring on a baby!
We tried having lots of sex. Which for anyone who knows us, knows this isn’t anything out of the ordinary. But even that didn’t help!
So after all of these relatively painless methods of jump-starting labor, I resorted to Castor Oil. Apparently, if you want to jump-start labor, drinking a good amount of castor oil can cause such intense intestinal cramps that it causes the uterus to contract, as well. I had seen videos of women doing this on YouTube, which should have scared me enough to NOT do it, but I was determined to have my daughter. So I dragged Dan to the 24 hour CVS in the middle of the winter,after not being able to sleep for about a week, and I bought a bottle of castor oil.
My bright (or not so bright) idea was to mix 4 oz of castor oil into some ice cream. It DID help the taste, but the consistency was terrible! Like eating an oil slick! Dan actually got the eating of the castor oil on video. Mind you, I am fat, 9 months preggo, hadn’t slept in a week, and looked like a train hit me!
So the first hour after my foolish and desperate attempt to jump-start labor was pretty uneventful. I was actually thinking I hadn’t ingested enough, because nothing was happening! I waited and waited and waited….And then WWIII began in my intestinal tract. I had never felt so sick, or so much like a retard, in my life! I ran to the bathroom promptly threw up. As I was vomiting, the diarrhea began….All over the floor while I was hugging the toilet. I thought, Okay, maybe this is the worst of it…Yeah, and pigs fly. Let me just say the next 4 or 5 hours was torture. My butt literally was behaving like a fire hydrant, and spraying poo faster than Dan could clean it up, and when all was said and done, the ENTIRE bathroom was covered, walls and all…Even in the shower!
(This was ONLY the first wave….It got MUCH, MUCH worse!)
Did it start labor? Sadly, no. But it DID cause me to get a HUGE thrombosed hemmerhoid that was so incredibly painful that I was at the doctor’s the next day, being examined my a doctor I despised, since my normal doctor was out of the office that day. I was given a cream, which did not help much, pain meds that were a joke, and a prescription for Ambien so I could finally sleep. (That’s a whole other story entirely,lol)
AND my baby made it to my scheduled C-section date of New Years Eve. So please, ladies. If you are ever pregnant and desperate to kick-start labor, DON’T DRINK THE CASTOR OIL. Just trust me on this one. It probably won’t work, and if it does, you’ll probably be spraying poo at your OB in labor and delivery! Let nature take its course, no matter how miserable and temporarily psychotic you might be. You won’t be pregnant FOREVER, I promise you. Unless you’re me…I seem to be perpetually knocked-up!
No comments yet.